Anno Carcinos 1

One year ago today, at 7:45 on a Friday morning as I was about to leave for work, my phone rang.

It was my doctor, who had sent me for a CAT scan the previous day because of a lump she had noticed three days earlier on the side of my neck.

"Blah blah blah blah malignancy blah blah blah," was what I heard her say.

"Holy Shit!" was what I thought.

Thus began the journey.

That seems like ages ago. I turn 54 the week after next. I feel like I've been 53 forever.

I waited a couple of weeks before I told my parents and siblings. I wanted to know the actual diagnosis first. (In retrospect, that was silly.) When I told Big Sister, who has worked in the cancer field for decades, she gave me tons of good advice. She told me that it was going to be a tough road but that I'd get through it. And she told me that I wouldn't feel like myself again for a year.

Of course Wonderful Wife and I were focused on the immediacy of treatment. That "year" sounded abstract.

Here we are.

Right on schedule, I'm feeling like myself.

Actually, I'm feeling like my best self.

I realize now that my energy level (both physical and mental) had been decreasing for some time when I was diagnosed. I don't know if there was any cancer-related reason for it but looking back I had been feeling less "alive" for perhaps a couple of years. Now I feel like what is "normal" for me: activated and organized and productive.

Yesterday I was so engaged in my work I didn't want to stop to come home. It's been a long time since I've felt that.

On weekends lately I make ambitious lists of chores and tasks for myself and I've been doing pretty well at knocking them off.

I'm joyful today.

Happy Anniversary to me!